When my marriage ended, the thought of having to date again scared me to death. After six years of having the same person to love, care and think about, how could I go on a cycle of meeting and getting to know a new person again? Swear to God it was one of the things I dread a lot because I’m not gonna lie, I’m still young and I need romantic affection from time to time, so that means I would NEED to date again.
My previous dating life, before I met my ex, was a mess. It was a series of one-night stands, situationships, unrequited love and rejection filled with insecurities, betrayal, and tears. So how could I jump into the train I hated so much again? The train that was my reason to settle down and married my ex, because I had enough of it, enough of dating. I wanted the security and stability a marriage offers, and I liked them.
At the beginning of my dating life V2.0, I kept saying that dating after a divorce and in my 30s is so hard. The pool is smaller, my traumas are bigger, and I have more bitterness in me. But now, eight months since I jumped back onto that train, I can say that I was totally wrong about it. Dating after a divorce and in my 30s is fantastic!
Why? Let me begin with the fact that there is no longer pressure put on me, internally and externally. I am no longer that person who goes on a first date and wonder if my date would be the one for me, my soulmate, because I had that. I found the one I thought was my soulmate (I was wrong about it obviously, but well..). Society no longer pressures me into settling down, they leave me alone now because they think it's perfectly appropriate for a divorcee to not rush a relationship again.
Best of all, I’ve learned my mistakes. I know which way to go, which path to take, and which action to do now. I’m changing the narrative and taking my power back in romance. I am the one with more experience, I am the one who got a taste of falling in and out of love, I am the one who went through so much when it comes to romance. I was fucking married and that is my weapon and my armor.
Around a few weeks ago I went on a first first date after six years. It was with a guy I have been talking to and following on Instagram for months. It felt like he is already a friend. He had been asking me out a few times but I kept turning him down because I wasn't ready to meet a guy again. Until I finally said yes because I thought it was time, I feel ready. The date went well, he was nice and we had fun but kept everything appropriate for a first date.
Even though I didn't feel anything toward him and we end up as only friends, I will forever cherish him and the date we had. He was the starting point of my second chance at dating, a starting point for my voyage of a better dating life. He dated someone who can respect herself, who put herself on a pedestal and want nothing but to give a healthy love from a mended heart.
Have I been on other dates after that first one? Yes, I have and to be honest it hasn't always been smooth sailing. There is one date with a guy I really like and of course, I was hoping for some romantic developments with him. But I am now secure enough to realize that it wouldn't be working with him and he couldn't give me what I want in a relationship. He dated someone who no longer forces a situation just because she wants it.
I wrote before that I feel bad for my future dates that they would have to deal with someone who has been wrong about something she truly believes in, which is a relationship. But now thinking about it again, my future dates are very lucky. They will go on amazing dates with someone who works on herself, who learns from her experience, but on top of all, someone who wants nothing but to have a healthy and loving relationship.
So to round this up, I got to say, it has been great dipping my toes back into the dating pool. I am thankful for this second chance and will make the most of it. Oh to be dating again after a divorce.
