When I met him six years ago, I was so sure that I have finally found the one. All the signs led to that thought. When you met the one, they said it would be effortless, and yes, what we had was effortless. They said when you met the one it would be like heaven and hell becoming one and it would feel like the universe revolves around us, and yes, it felt that way. They said the one would be a person who speaks to your soul, and yes, he spoke to my soul.
I met him during a period where I was always heavily under substance influence. I just moved to a new city, broken-hearted and in constant religious denial. He was like a fresh breeze among all of that. He understood my dark humor, he understood my wild thoughts, he accepted my flaws and we shared deep interests in many things. Our age gap and cultural difference felt like nothing compared to all of that.
That was when I was so sure that I finally met the one I’m going to marry and build a life with. Many are not happy with our relationship, including our family, and it would only add more romance to the whole story. It was us against the world and I thought, I got to win this battle and show everyone that love always wins. I won, I won that battle and we got married. Little did I know it was only the first of many battles I would have after we got married, and one of few wins out of many losses.
I wasn’t the only one who was so sure about him being the one. Slowly my closest people could finally see why I was fighting for him. They would understand why, amidst all the differences, he was the one for me. They could see the signs, they could see how he completed me, how he made me happy. We were all so sure that he was my soul mate and I was his. So how did we end up here? Why is he no longer the one, my soul mate? Why was I so sure that he was the one?
Now it would take me another 3,000 words essay to dissect the cause of our separation, to dissect the reasons why he is no longer the one for me, but I won’t be writing about it now. What I will dissect in this writing is how I and other people could be so sure about him being the one for me. I will start with a question, is it the lie I told myself when I was in love?
You know how at the beginning of a relationship when we’re drunkenly in love in the honeymoon phase and we can’t see things clearly? We brushed off red flags and blinded by the feelings that consumed us. In my case, I took the way he was asking me to change so many things about myself as his way to bring good into my life, I told myself that he wanted to bring out the best in me. What I didn’t think of, was that how could someone I barely know would know what was best for me?
He worshipped me, he was loyal, he whispered the sweetest things into my ears and I took them as the signs that he was the one. I forgot that those are the bare minimums. Anyone who loves me would do the same thing and it doesn’t make them the one. I forgot that all love would feel that way in the beginning. A big whirlwind of romance doesn’t always have to mean that you have found the one.
Then, my friends and family weren’t a part of my relationship. They had been on the outside of the union and all they saw or heard was just what I chose to show them. I showed them how happy I was, they saw it and they tried to understand it. They tried to make sense of my relationship. They cannot be blamed, because they love me and they want me to be happy, no matter how ridiculous that might look or sound for them. I feel like I deceived them into thinking that I’ve found the one. I deceived myself into thinking that I’ve found the one.
I thought about this matter a lot, why would I be so sure that he was the one? Maybe it was karmic? Maybe I just simply misunderstood it? Maybe it was just a fool rushes in? When I decided to end the marriage, one of the hardest things for me was to admit that he wasn’t it, he wasn’t the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Admitting it means admitting that I was wrong. It was easy to admit to other people that you’re wrong about something, but it’s 100 times harder to admit it to yourself.
This scares me a lot. If I was wrong about something I was so sure about, moving on, how would I know if I’m making the right choices in my life? I feel bad about the people I will fall in love with in the future. Those people will have to deal with someone who has been wrong about something they truly believe in. It is like losing a faith in something and I can’t think of what price I have to pay to get that faith back in me. The faith of loving someone without fear, whether it’s right or wrong, whether they are the one or not.
